My fellow Orange County and other Southern California fellows: DON’T GO TO THE QUEEN MARY HAUNTED HARBOR EVENT! IT’S BAD!

So here is the experience my fiance and I had, from start to finish. All events are in order. Before I begin, I must say that the Queen Mary Haunted Harbor event is a lawsuit waiting to happen. For starters, just to be a humbug about it, parking was $20; I was rather shocked. At security, I had to go back and put all my PENS back in my car. I wasn’t willing to throw my pens away for their sake because I am a writer and all my pens are specially chosen, good writing pens. Now through the gates, we headed for the restrooms. The lovely sign that said “Restrooms” led us to a circle of porta-poties. I was not expecting that one…

The first “maze” we approach is actually a paintball thing that costs $10…okay so not doing that…

Finally we make it to our first maze. We bought front-of-line passes and still had to wait thirty or forty minutes for the first maze. Meanwhile, in line, we kept on tripping on the gangling metal bars holding up the line fences. Those are so dangerous. Eventually we make it through two mazes and head over to the ones inside the ship itself. Along the way, we notice the bar area. Guess what? It costs $5 just to go inside. At this point my fiance¬†says, “What the hell did we even buy tickets for if we have to pay for everything inside!”

Frustrated and inside a maze in the boat, someone is reaching their hand through the stairs. That is dangerous for that person because people like my fiance¬†are stomping up the stairs, while people like me don’t want to hurt their hands, so I bounded up, fell at the top of the steps and scraped my knees THROUGH the jeans. Just after that, in a cramped hallway, my fiance’s neck gets caught in a dangling wire that is obviously meant to be tucked away, but there it was, hanging from the metal rafters of the ship and it choked him. We told multiple security people, but of course they don’t really care.

NEXT we go to one of the food venders asking for a cup of water or a cup for water. They say they don’t give out cups of water, only sell it, which is illegal. We were both dehydrated and annoyed and went to guest services. They said there was a drinking fountain SOMEWHERE. Okay, where? We waited half an hour for them to figure out it was behind another vender (conveniently hidden) and they moved the stock so we could get back there and actually get water to, you know, LIVE.

To top things off, we stayed to do the very last maze we hadn’t done yet, even through all the frustrations, and the entire floor was covered in water and had various slippery places. That is so dangerous just to top things off with that.

So, my friends, if that is not enough to keep you away, I don’t know what else to add. DON’T DO THE QUEEN MARY FOR HALLOWEEN!

By all means, go to Universal or Knotts. I have done Universal twice for Halloween and Knotts so many times I can’t even count now. Both are far superior, and, let’s face it, have free water and actual restrooms. Pick one of those if you need mazes this Halloween.


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